I decided to write this blog after scouring the internet for circumcision experiences involving older children, and pretty much coming up empty-handed. I thought maybe writing about our own experiences would help someone else who also couldn't find anything out there.
Our son is 9 years old and has Autism, Tourette's Syndrome, ADHD, and DMDD. His foreskin was never retractable, and as the years passed, a diagnosis of Phimosis was made. While we tried some things at home (under our doctor's guidance) we found that the constant struggle of assisting our very large 9-year-old was becoming stressful and intrusive for him.
We decided on circumcision. You, like a few other people we've spoken to about this, might ask: "Why didn't you do it at birth?" At the risk of getting into a whole circumcision debate, my simple answer is "It wasn't medically necessary." I am an advocate of leaving boys intact. My advocacy on the subject comes from the fact that most international health organizations no longer recommend "routine" circumcision across the board. If you are in the U.S., here is a helpful article from the American Academy of Pediatrics.
Because of the above, a lot of insurance companies no longer cover routine circumcision in newborns, as it is considered a cosmetic procedure and not medically necessary. I viewed it as tantamount to reducing a newborn's nose in an effort to make it easier for him to clean it. I feel like nature (God, aliens, whoever) make our bodies exactly as they should be and making that choice on behalf of my child did not feel right to me as it cannot be undone. That is my personal opinion. So, shut up.
However, the circumcision debate has been going on for decades in this country, leaving most doctors and medical journals reluctant to give it a firm "yay" or "nay". As in all things new parents must navigate, we make the best decision we can for our children with the available information. This blog post is not about saying whether you should or should not. That's a personal decision for your family to make together.
There's lots of information out there to help parents make those choices. Inform yourself and do what you feel is best for your baby. For me, I have other family members who are intact, and they have never had a problem with infection, UTI's, or physical abnormalities, so that played a part in our decision as well. Feel free to talk to other penis holders about their experience. I suggest you know them first. Men on line at the supermarket are often taken aback by this line of questioning.
Ok, now that all that is out of the way - my son's circumcision took place about a week ago today. Here's how it went:
Circumcision at a later age is riskier and more complicated. The blood vessels are much larger, and bleeding risks are increased. However, phimosis can occur at any time during a boy's life and is not a "normal" circumcision process regardless of age.
1) His surgery went well. He was weepy and agitated upon waking up from anesthesia which is a common side effect in children.
2) We were warned that his bandage may fall off as there's not a lot of area to work with when you're a little kid. His bandage fell off as soon as we left the hospital pretty much.
3) We were also warned about the possibility of a stitch coming out. We knew there'd be lots of blood and we should apply pressure. He popped a stitch at 2 am, and yes there was blood. Applying pressure to an open penis wound is not easy. We are lucky he did not punch us both in the face. We deserved it.
4) We took him to the E.R. and a special gauze dressing with coagulating properties was applied. The bleeding slowed and eventually stopped completely after a couple of days. After that initial E.R. bleed, it was very light and sporadic. The pinkish discharge that can also occur does not count as bleeding and I'm told is a normal part of the process. Very, very rarely are stitches replaced. They are an extra over the cauterization that takes place, and normally heals ok without them if it happens. If you see bleeding that looks like more than just leakage, call your doctor. Do not fuck around. Blood loss can turn serious very quickly if not addressed.
5) Ok, here's where it gets gross. The bleeding created a dangling blood clot over the wound. It has been a week, and we are still waiting for this thing to dry up and fall off. *edit - it fell off 6 days after surgery. The same day I wrote this blog* We were told to just leave it alone and wait it out as long as it didn't look like it was growing or bleeding. So, that's what we are doing. We applied a little Neosporin on it as well as the tip of the glans in an effort to make the bandages less sticky. We also use a saline wash to loosen the bandages before removing them. Because his pee stream is all weird and changes direction like me with my outdated GPS, the bandages usually get soaked anyway. We just clean him up with the saline and re-dress the wound.
6) The doctors originally said he'd be back up and on his feet in two days. To that, I say - bullshit. No fucking way. It's been a week, and he's still walking like this:
7) There is some bruising on the foreskin and the surrounding area. We used ice packs on and off for the first 3 days and that helped with the pain and swelling. Motrin every four hours also seemed to help. Again, your doctor should give you pain management instructions.
8) Here's what I didn't prepare myself enough for - psychologically, this has been very hard on him (and us). Day one, his penis looked like hell. We tried to prepare him for what he would look like after surgery, but the clean, pretty illustrations were clearly representative of a penis healed. Because he's never been able to retract his foreskin, he has never actually seen his penis. So, it looks shorter and swollen and, in his words, "not like a normal penis, but a pig in a blanket".
That was the part that broke my heart. Seeing him have to adjust to what is essentially a new body part for him. His disabilities make change hard for him to accept, and this was a huge change for him. Had we known he would have these issues, we would have made a different choice at birth.
But again, you make the best decisions you can with the information you have.
I hope this post helps another family get some answers they couldn't find elsewhere, or at least gives some insight as to what you might expect. Every case, every kid, every penis is different.
If you have questions or comments, you can post them below or email me at MorgenVa@gmail.com. I'm happy to share our experience.
If you have medical questions, don't email me those. I once painted my own lips with nail polish and nearly suffocated. I am ill-equipped.
Thanks for reading! I know it was super long.
Edit 9/19/18 - It took several months for his penis to heal and look "normal". As of today, everything is healed, healthy and pain-free, and he has adjusted to it.
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