The Victimization of Women in Romance Novels - When Fantasy Sends a Dangerous Message

About five years ago, I decided to participate in the NaNoWriMo writing challenge. The goal was to write 50,000 words in a month. As an aspiring writer, I jumped into this challenge with great fervor. Because I tend to be a little dark, I wanted to write something completely different than I had in my songwriting career - a love story. Yes! I would write a love story and it would be funny and edgy and awesome.

Taking inspiration from my Indian friends and my love of their culture, I typed out a story of a whirlwind romance between a scrappy, Philly girl and an Indian school teacher. She meets him on a train tour through the Indian countryside. I kind of figured she'd just have some vacation sex, see some sights, fly home and call it good.

But at the end of the novella, I felt like I needed to have closure with it - so I shopped it to publishers. I re-wrote the ending (because "happily ever after" endings did not mean vacation sex and back home to Netflix apparently), to create a conclusion that coincided with the standard for "happily ever after". She gets accidentally pregnant after being told she'd never have children, and he shows up on her doorstep just in time to save her from her own misery. It sold zero copies.

I had strayed far from what I intended it to be. I added more sex, I took some sex away. I made her strong, and then I made her needy and depressed wallowing in her own self-loathing. In the end, I was told, Asian -Caucasian relationships were not "interracial" enough.

And then they asked me for two more books. Which I wrote. I tried to take all critique and change the stories to suit the publishers’ needs. I tried to give them what they wanted while still trying to write interesting, strong female characters. All three books combined sold 5 copies in a 3 year period of time.

I saw that my publishers' most popular books were alien/human or shapeshifter/human romances. "BDSM" was growing ever more popular since "Fifty Shades of Grey" reared its ugly head in mainstream media. I did not think I had the energy to read the book, but I watched the movie.

By all accounts, Christian Grey, just like his “Twilight” counterpart, was an abusive, controlling, self-absorbed sadist. E.L. James had betrayed the BDSM community and set a dangerous new standard for what constitutes "romance" in literature. Disappointingly, so did one of my favorite authors, Anne Rice with her "Sleeping Beauty" series. Walt Disney would have been proud though. To her credit, she put the Disney princess' pseudo-sexual messages right out there in the open.

Side note: The original "Sleeping Beauty" story involved Aurora/ Briar Rose (or Talia in the original story) being raped while unconscious and being forced to carry and give birth to twins conceived of that rape. While still unconscious. Yup. Ok, g'nite, kids!

But, I digress. As I am so prone to do.

I embarked on an experiment. I wrote a very short story that was, intentionally, utter garbage. - or "Shit Lit", if you will. A Yeti - Human romance in the Himalayas. 100 copies were downloaded in less than a month's time. What the fuck is wrong with everyone?

I began to pay more attention to the quotes and titles for the new "romance" books by successful authors that peppered my Twitter feed on the daily.

"You were born to be mastered and owned by the men around you."

"I hiked up my dress as he forced himself between my legs."

"'Don't stop', she begged as she rubbed against his belt like a cat in heat."

"He pushed her down and ripped off her black silk panties."

"Is my little slave ready to be taken hard again?"

"The Bigfoot pounded harder and deeper into his little toy."

"Seven sexually sadistic dwarves turn a submissive princess into a quivering wet mess of hot, incoherent female flesh." (I am not fucking kidding)

"Ashamed."

And at least 7 books, just yesterday alone, featured the word "Claim" in their titles.

There was one book only which featured a woman in charge - and she was a succubus. Of course.

I know quite a few authors who do not write about abuse. They do not write about rape or sex with aliens and cyborgs. But they also do not write strong female characters either. As if there's no middle ground, one must write their erotica/romance heroines in terms of either abuse and slavery, or silly and befuddled.

All these authors are women. I am assuming, based on the comments and shares, that most of the readers are women too. So, what is happening?

With the emergence of the “Wonder Woman” movie and its record-breaking box office receipts, we were presented with a strong, female character - ehhhhh - seemingly. But, even in that story, there is an undertone of sexuality. The coy "I don't know anything about sex - ok, I know everything about sex" paradigm played out, albeit briefly, in the first 45 minutes of the movie. Patty Jenkins received props for not over sexualizing the Amazons, but they're still kind of sexualized. Does all female armor need to consist of short skirts? I would think keeping your legs protected during battle would be far more efficient.

We are marketing to women and still disrespecting them at the same time. We are creating a narrative which tells women (a-fucking-gain) that they need to be controlled. And women are throwing their money at them.

So, I can only surmise that rape culture has been so deeply-seeded that it's nearly become its own blood type. It binds itself to our DNA. It hides in the deepest parts of our hearts that long for love - for companionship. Some of us are accepting and paying for, our own victimization.

I cannot speak to lesbian erotica or romance because I have not read those authors. There seems to be fewer of them. But, I will. Because I need to know what the differences are between the two women - the woman who writes "Claimed by Her Master" and the woman who writes "Marcie's Lesbian Lover". F/F encounters I've read so far have been in the context of a threesome in which the aim was still pleasing a dominating man.

We are in dangerous times. We are fighting like it's the 1920's, and the President of the United States just told the victims of Roy Moore that he does not stand with them because tax reform.

I don't think we can wear the Pussy Hat and then go home and rent "Fifty Shades Darker". We cannot fight oppression and then oppress ourselves via Kindle on the way to work.

For me, as a budding author, I need to do some soul searching as well. I have watched all the "Twilight" movies. I do that when I want to clear my head of all thought. I know they're garbage. But I still watch. Why? And I would invite any woman who has read or watched any movie that has an undertone of abuse to ask themselves the same question.

We should be able to embrace our sexuality, and our right to porn and trashy romance novels, without yielding to a culture which attempts to dominate and control us. And, if you are the author of any of the above books, there is no judgment here from me. I got sucked into it too. I wrote things I didn't feel because I wanted the publishing deal and the fan base. But, in the end, I achieved nothing by selling out.

But you, E.L. James - you are not off the hook yet.

Why Women Will Be Saving America...Again

It seemed like it started with the Women's March. And then it seemed like it started with the James Woods allegations. Then, Harvey Weinstein. Then, Kevin Spacey. Charlie Sheen. CK Louis. Ray Moore. Al Franken. #MeToo.

But it didn't. It never started, because it never stopped. Since Eden, women have been fighting for equality. We've been fighting for the opportunity to be heard - to be treated like *gasp* equals.

Human history is written on the back of oppression. Women, regardless of color, religion, or economic status, have been a consistent target for as long as there's been written history.

We have been both the vessels for gods and kings, as well as demons. We have been made all-powerful and infantilized at the same time. Make up your minds.

During the Revolutionary War, women both held down the forts and defended them when the men grew weary from combat. During the Civil War, more than 400 women disguised themselves as men and went to battle. And, when we weren't doing that, we tended to the wounded and dying. We kept the homes safe. We emerged from The Antebellum with a nod of gratitude and sent back to the work of having babies and cleaning houses.

During WWI and WWII, women took over the roles of Police Officers, Switchboard Operators, Telegraphers, Mechanics, and Drivers - all while maintaining the home and raising children. During WWII, more than 100,000 women joined the Armed Forces. No accurate records were kept as to how many women were injured and killed during the wars, and when they were over, the surviving women holding down jobs in the previously male-dominated workforces were asked to step aside and hand those jobs back over to the men. We proved our strength, patriotism, and dedication, and yet, we had to fight for the right to vote. We were held political prisoners and subjected to torture, violence, and ridicule.

We railed. We starved ourselves. But, we won.

There exists this ongoing paradox of needing women desperately to benefit the U.S., to stuffing us back into our boxes when our country wants quiet. But there's never quiet - because women are not the problem. We are the solution.

In this era of "President Pussy Grabber" we have, once again, had to up our game and stand in unity. At least 16 women have come forward to speak out against Trump's abuse of women and children.
One by one, women have been coming forward with their stories of sexual assault by Hollywood bigwigs, politicians and other public figures. And one by one, we are discredited and re-victimized. Save for CK Louis and Al Franken, no apologies or acknowledgments have been made public. Therefore, it is assumed that we are all lying. Because it's so hard to believe that women are being victimized in America.

We are back to the never-ending beginning.

This blog won't be nearly long enough to cover all the injustice - all the hypocrisy. And, maybe that shouldn't be the point anyway. The point is, during times of extreme struggle in America, women have saved us. And, they are saving us again.

Recently, we have celebrated the public office appointments of two transgender women: Danica Roem and Andrea Jenkins. Oklahoma, notoriously "Red", won a Democratic seat in the state senate.
Other political heroes like Elizabeth Warren, Maxine Waters, and Claire Warner are railing against corruption and injustice. They are guarding the fort 2017 style.

This is what we do. We see shit going down and we march - we fight - we speak. That's been the case since Lilith first rebelled against Adam in Paradise. The difference this time is; we won't be going back into the box. This is a new Revolution. The current state of our country has woken the mama bear in all of us.

So, fifty years from now, history will remind a new generation of the time that women saved America again. Don't give up. Speak. Rail. Believe.

That's all I had to say.