Hi all! I'm back to ruin your "Fifty Shades Freed" movie plans. Happy Valentine's Day!
A few years ago, when "Fifty Shades of Grey" was released on Amazon, I rented it. I had a credit, so it was no skin off my debit card, and I sure as hell wasn't going to invest the time in reading the entire book.
But, I didn't want to comment on something I hadn't even seen, and frankly, I wanted to see what everyone was losing their minds over. I had read excerpts from the book posted online and found it hilarious...initially.
The hilarity faded as I saw Mr. Grey stalk Anastasia, ignore safe words, and flat out abuse her while she bent over backward (almost literally) in an attempt to make him love her.
She was not at all a willing participant in the BDSM world. And he was no dom. By his own admission, he was a "sadist" who just enjoyed hurting women. The final scene of the movie featured Grey hitting Anastasia several times, and her crying and fleeing the apartment.
What the fuck just happened? Disregard the bad writing of the novel (granted, I'd only read excerpts, but they were poorly written enough for me to get the point), and you're left with an equally bad movie. But kudos for keeping the movie true to the stupidity of the book.
Women surely would not stand for this, I'd thought. All the women who headed out to the movies on Valentine's Day, their boyfriends or husbands in tow, to witness a man emotionally and physically abuse a college student had to have been disgusted with it, right? I mean, teenage girls weren't able to really perceive the abuse that was the Edward and Bella relationship, but these were grown ass women.
No way were they falling for this "oh, poor baby - his mother was a crack whore and he just doesn't know what love is and I can change him" narrative. Women would surely call bullshit on Fifty Shades, wouldn't they?
No. Apparently, not.
So, again, on Valentine's Day, "Fifty Shades Darker" was released. And again, I rented the movie. Because it had to get better.
It didn't.
After Anastasia rids herself of sociopath Christian, he shows up at her friend's art show, dick swinging, and purchases all the photos of Anastasia whom he still views as his property. And she goes right back to him.
Right fucking back.
And this time, she has her sights set on making him a functional human being. She tries landing him by giving in to whatever bullshit he wants while using it as leverage to get things she wants - like an ounce of respect.
Well, that seems healthy.
Fans of the "Fifty Shades" series have touted them for bringing BDSM out of the closet and onto the backs of our toilet tanks and tub edges. But does "Fifty Shades" really understand the BDSM
culture? I think, not.
What E.L. James failed to steal from "Secretary", was the trust, love, and commitment a true Dom/Sub (D/s) relationship needs to have.
She led millions of women everywhere to believe that a man with gross emotional problems and sociopathic tendencies who abuses and stalks a partner, really just needs someone to understand him and show him what "real" love is. I can't think of a more dangerous message.
It's an ever-growing theme in "women's" literature: the theme of abuse/domination = love. It perpetuates the age-old problem of women making excuses for abusive behavior and believing that if they just love him more, he will change. True BDSM relationships do not work this way.
In my blog post, The Victimization of Women in Romance Novels, I address the increasing popularity of romance novels that feature possessive, domineering men who seek to possess, control and own women. The "Fifty Shades" books are the catalyst for the increasing demand for such fiction.
(I tried to find a GIF to put here, but they all contained shapeshifters and aliens and shit, so here's one of Peter Dinklage for no reason.)
As we wear the Pussy Hat and march on Washington, it would be great if we could also demand more from our movies and literature. There is a difference between exploring our sexuality and supporting dysfunctional messages about relationships. So, as you make your Valentine's Day plans, maybe contemplate the message "Fifty Shades" sends women (and frighteningly, men) about love and romance. Never ignore the red flags in a relationship.
And, in case you're not sure what the red flags might be, here's a partial list;
1) If he has a tracker on your phone so he can "always find you", or you find him in your apartment, and you never gave him a key - run.
2) If he ignores safe words and seems to enjoy hurting you - run.
3) If he consistently attempts to talk you into to shit you don't want to do - run.
4) If he refers to you as his "property" at any time - run.
5) If he tells you this is just who he is and cannot change - believe him.
If you have trouble doing any of the above for any reason, contact these people - The National Center for Victims of Crime - Stalking Safety Plan
And, here's a list of other shit you can go see on Valentine's Day. New Movies
If you want danger, go bungee jumping. You're more likely to come out of that unharmed than you would trying to change an abusive asshole.
Now, here's my all-time favorite trailer for "Fifty Shades of Grey" starring the great Steve Buscemi.
Happy V-Day Y'all!
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