Myka Stauffer Is A Garbage Person - But Not For The Obvious Reasons. (And So Is James)

The obvious reasons being the adoption, exploitation and then abandonment of her son (I will not be using his name or photo in this blog post at all, but will refer to him as "H"). 

I will also not be sharing links to her videos as I don't think she should make one more fucking dime off of them.

However, if you're not familiar with this story, you can read about it here: Garbage People Make Money Off Of Special Needs Child, Then Put Him in Foster Care and Still Keep Making Money Off Of Him

I'd like to say that there have been many cases of children being "returned" after being adopted and I am not commenting on my feelings about all that. 

But, in this case, I'd like to comment as a mother of a child with Autism and other special needs.

This shit is hard. 

It. Is. Hard. Not being able to give your child the help they need is not a crime. Sometimes, the family does not have the means or resources and have to opt for a therapeutic foster home or residential care. 

That has to be a heartbreaking and very personal decision and is in no way the same thing as what Myka and James did. 

I gave birth to my child and did not have the advantage that Myka and James had of knowing what his needs and issues would be beforehand. I wish I had. It would have have been great to be able to have a plan in place to meet those needs.

Myka is also a registered nurse. Girl, if a nurse in a mansion can't handle it, then we're all fucked. 

But, like a lot of parents (adoptive and biological), I went through the long and difficult process of evaluations, meltdowns, IEP meetings and sleepless nights before we began to unravel my kiddo's mysteries.

The reason the Stauffer's are garbage people is that they highly publicized the adoption process which gained them tens of thousands of new subscribers (subscribers that didn't hop on board when they tried homeschooling and going vegan). 

They monetized these videos and asked for donations which I don't have an issue with (the donation part), except for the fact that she is clearly well-off and living in a nearly million dollar home. 

Her YouTube channel's net worth for the month of June is over $160,000. So, she clearly financially gains from using her children as revenue. 

Again, do you know what I could do with $160,000 a month?? It would be more than buying a new pair Golden Goose  sneakers for $500. Myka also posted a video stating she didn't want to pay the $500 a month for H's therapy while wearing a $6,000 watch.

Even though H is no longer part of her family, she continues to leave up and monetize videos with him in them. 

That is reprehensible. She may be a sociopath. I dunno. 

Myka routinely posted videos of H having what she called "meltdowns". Biiiiish. You have no idea. Now, it's possible that we weren't seeing the worst of it, but the videos she posts to gain sympathy are most likely what she thinks will get her the most of that.

H was actually acting like a toddler. Because he was three. I did not see one major tantrum in any of these video clips. Myka stated that he bites, kicks and hits. Ya know, like a three year old. 

I should also mention that H was 3-4 years old and willingly doing chores. Mine is 11 and I'd drop dead of shock if he took it upon himself to do a damn chore. 

As far as their treatment of H, they were garbage on top of garbage. James frequently complained that H always wanted to eat and "stared"at James while he was eating which drove him "crazy".

Myka duct taped H's thumb so he'd stop sucking it for comfort. 

She and James used this child, who was suffering with Autism and Adoption Trauma  to gain followers and to make money.

In addition, her biological children lived with H as their brother for two years before he was "re-homed" (which is a fucking gross use of that word for a human being). She gave birth to another son after they adopted H who has never known life without him.

How are they supposed to recover? 

I'm sure the trip they took to Bali after she unloaded H into the foster care system helped take the edge off. 

When subscribers stopped seeing H in the Stauffer's videos, they demanded to know where he was. In a crocodile tear filled video, Myka and James claimed they gave him to a new home based on advice from doctors (Yeah, ok. A doctor told you to put your 4 year old up for adoption because he has Autism) and H's own request to be re-homed. Your non-verbal child requested to go into foster care? Sure, Jan.

And even if he did say he wanted to go to a new family, my kid does that on the regular. That doesn't mean I drop him off at the fire department. You don't let a 4 year old decide his whole life. 

So, you may be asking what the point is of this blog besides raging.

Nothing. Not a damn thing. 

I'm furious. 

You do not "return" children.

You do not use children as revenue.

You do not use international or special needs adoption as a prop for your Vlog.

And you most certainly do not get to say it's too hard while wearing $500 sneakers in your mansion. 

Mentally Ill Doesn't Mean Less Credible

Last September, after the hospitalization of my son, I suffered a “nervous breakdown” (whatever that means) and was admitted to a psych facility for three days myself.

On my third day, a young girl was admitted who had been found unconscious, in a CVS bathroom, after overdosing on Fentanyl. 

Video footage showed she had come in with a man, and because she was found undressed and the person she’d come in with stole her car and left her there, she felt she had been raped and demanded a rape kit in the emergency room. 

They didn’t do one.

On day two she demanded it again. Again she was denied, but told her they would do one when she was transferred to where I was.

On day three she was transfered and ,during intake, she asked about the rape kit and filing a police report and she was told they don’t “do that here”. 

Because the evidence would no longer be viable after three days, she panicked. She was told she had to shower, and when she refused, she lost “privileges” for not complying with her ADLs (Activities of Daily Living). This meant she could not use the phone when she asked to call the local rape crisis number.

She told me they weren’t taking her seriously because she is bipolar and also an addict. She checked herself out, called an Uber, and went to the nearest police station.

I can’t even imagine going through all that in a 72 hour period. It’s horrible.

If she had not been a patient in a psych unit, she may have been taken seriously. 

Society loves to be magnanimous when it comes to people who are mentally ill. It’s “just like diabetes” after all. However, if a person with diabetes claimed to have been assaulted, we wouldn’t suggest her low blood sugar made her imagine it. 

While there is a perception that mentally ill people are more likely to commit crime, the research shows the opposite. People with mental health issues are almost three times more likely to be the victims of violence.

According to the NCBI, “The popular belief is that people with mental illness are more prone to commit acts of violence and aggression. The public perception of psychiatric patients as dangerous individuals is often rooted in the portrayal of criminals in the media as “crazy” individuals.  A large body of data suggests otherwise. People with mental illness are more likely to be a victim of violent crime than the perpetrator.[1] This bias extends all the way to the criminal justice system, where persons with mental illness get treated as criminals, arrested, charged, and jailed for a longer time in jail compared to the general population.”

In my own life, it was (is) a common occurrence in my relationships (and some friendships and even family relationships) to not have my needs or experiences validated.

If there is an issue with a partner or family member, I found that they were less likely to compromise (because THEY don’t have the problem) and any upset, tears or yelling was automatically attributed to having mental health issues. 

No argument can ever be won.

Statements like “did you take your meds today?”, or “you need to get a new therapist, this one’s not doing anything for you”, are demeaning and frustrating because a person who feels like there is an issue to be addressed has no resolution, which actually will make their issues worse.

Feeling unsupported and unheard can negatively affect typically functioning people. It is all the more difficult when you have a mental illness.

Can you imagine thinking you hear an intruder, or feeling like someone at work doesn’t like you, and having the person you talked to about it chalk it up to you just being “crazy”? 

If a person’s mental illness makes perception hard for them, how does it help to dismiss them all the time instead of helping them sort it out?

If they say they were the victim of a crime, that needs to be taken seriously. Given the statistics above, it is more, not less, likely that they actually were victimized.

Perpetrators rely on their victims not being believed.

Having a mental illness does not make you a less credible person. It can make you a more sensitive, reactionary, fearful or introverted person, but it should have zero bearing on how you should be treated.

If you want well people, treat people well. 

Suffering from mental health issues is exceedingly lonely. Connection, friendship, community and love are vital to all human beings. Practice kindness. The world is hard enough. 

Just because you don’t have a label doesn’t mean you’re emotionally or mentally perfect. Each of us have moments of madness. For most, it passes. For some, it doesn’t. 

It costs nothing to be kind. 

Here’s a really good link which addresses common myths about mental illnesses. https://www.mentalhealth.gov/basics/mental-health-myths-facts

Sour Diesel - A Nerd's Journey

About three weeks ago, out of seemingly nowhere, I stepped down and felt a blinding, white hot pain in my ankle. It felt like a nerve frayed and exposed while it's sizzling electrical threads blew in the breeze.

As much as I tried to manage the pain, it seemed to spread all the way up my leg, landing at the Hoover Dam of it's power source located in my lower back.

Fucking Sciatica.

I am not a doctor. However I was a massage therapist for many years. Before that, I was a medical assistant and billing specialist. 

I have taken Anatomy, Physiology and Pathology three times. I have a bulging or herniated disk (who knows which one because my insurance wouldn't pay for the MRI without 6 months of "conservative treatment" first but that's another story.) 

So, I am at least familiar with sciatica. 

Who knows? I may have been abducted by aliens and the nerve was damaged during experiments.

*Note* Full disclosure, I smoked right before writing this.

Unless you've been living under a rock, or are Jared Leto, you've been painfully aware that everything and everyone is now cancelled because of Covid19. 

This also means that doctors have very limited availability if you come down with a run of the mill illness or injury. 

After three days of being laid up on the couch in wracking pain, no doctor's office with availability for new patients, and being too much of a coward to take the Gabapentin I have for fibromyalgia, I decided to call a dispensary. 

Disclosure: Recreational marijuana is legal in Nevada where I live. However, I do have a Medical Marijuana card from Pennsylvania where I visit often. 

I'm covered either way. So, chill out narc.

I called a local dispensary, talked to someone for a bit, and within 2 hours, I had a delivery of Sour Diesel brought right to my door.

I am not a pot smoker. I have actually had 2 bad experiences in the past with panic and paranoia from smoking, so I figured it just wasn't for me. I literally thought there was one kind of weed. 

I read the label on my vape oil and it said "Sour Diesel".  I had literally no idea what that even meant. I turned to the interwebs for more information. Sour Diesel has many wonderful properties. It can enhance focus, help with pain, increase energy and support creative thinking. Because I already take Lexapro for anxiety and depression, I was less afraid of the panic I'd experienced in the past.

Another fucking disclaimer: When I got my MMJ card in Pennsylvania, I had to see a doctor a few times first. I was taking Lexapro then as well and my doctor told me it was safe to take both. I moved to Nevada before I could even visit a dispensary there because the process in PA took more than a year.

Check with your doctor if you're taking medication first please. Do your research. Call a dispensary. Don't get in trouble.

I started the slowest a human being can possibly start without just leaving the vape pen in the bag. Holy hell. I took one puff with the battery on the lowest setting. Apparently, concentrates can hit you harder, because I felt "something". 

It was extremely subtle.  But the pain subsided and I was able to walk for the first time in almost a week. 

I went out for a walk. Yes, yes, I practiced social distancing. Jesus Christ.

I repeated this dose every 4 hours.

Day two I took slightly more. Two puffs. I noticed my vision got way clearer. Like, focused. I was super interested in details. I stared at shit a long time, fascinated.

Here's some actual event footage:

I went for a walk again. In fact, I have been walking about a 1/2 mile to a mile a day since I started using marijuana. The pain is manageable and on most days, I can move normally. The positive effects it's had on my Fibromyalgia has been a pleasant bonus. 

I will see a doctor as soon as this quarantine is over (I know the weed is not a cure) but in the meantime, this is helping me tremendously without side effects and without dependency. I use what I need for the day and, according to my family, I don't seem stoned in any way. There is no "couch lock" and no panic or paranoia at the doses I am taking. 

It did make me hungrier though. 

And because I just wrote that, I am now starving.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. 

Oh! If you'd like to support legalization in your state, check out Norml.org for ways to be an advocate for cannabis reform.

The Keepers of the Stardust

“Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children.” -- Alex Haley

Recently, amidst COVID-19 panic, Lt. Governor Dan Patrick suggested that grandparents should be willing to die for the long term recovery and benefit of the economy.

As abhorrent as that is, there were people who defended or even agreed with the statement.

I thought I'd lost my faith in people when I saw a 12 pack of toilet paper online for $385. As the lock downs continue, I am finding new ways to lose my faith.

I will not give give Dan Patrick, or anyone who feels the elderly are expendable, any more of my words. 

I want to tell you what my grandparents were to me. I invite you all to comment and tell the story of the important elders in your own lives.

My maternal grandparents were a safe haven for me. I was being abused, we were poor, my parents' relationship was volatile, and we moved every year.

At my grandparent's house I was safe. There was enough food. At Halloween, my grandmother made me costumes that sufficiently hid the fact that my parents couldn't afford one. 

My grandfather picked me up from school and allowed me to stop for secret candy that we made oaths to never tell my mother about. 

They sprinkled stardust all over my childhood. 

I had new back to school clothes because of them.

I learned the capitals of all the states because of them.

I learned how to balance a checkbook (back when we had them).

I learned that mothballs and lavender will keep mice away.

That you can turn several slivers of soap into a new bar.

That motherhood is an exclusive club.

Vicks VapoRub  and Robitussin will cure anything. 

How long to cook a turkey.

That onions frying in a pan will fool your family into thinking dinner's happening when you have no idea what you're making.

Latch hook.

Crocheting. 

That you leave your Christmas tree up until Epiphany and never put the baby Jesus in the manger until Christmas Eve.

That you never cross a picket line. 

How to get the lumps out of mashed potatoes. 

Never open an umbrella in the house.

That life is short and try "not to get so upset".

Every day I think of them. Their hard lives. The poverty they grew up in. The difficulties they faced of which we cannot comprehend. 

Our elders are warriors.

They deserve our care, our love, and our respect. Dying alone in the ICU so that resources are available for others in one of the wealthiest countries in the world is a horrifying thought.

They have already taken too many for the team. 

A quarter of a million children in the United States under the age of 1 live with a grandparent.

30% of physicians in the U.S are 60 or older.

Our lives are dependent on each other.

We need to protect them like they protect us.


As we grow old…the beauty steals inward - Ralph Waldo Emerson

#Covid19 #coronavirus #danpatrick #pandemic

Can Friendships Survive a Trump Presidency? (Spoiler alert - No.)

"There are 25 credible allegations of sexual assault against him," I said.

"Are they credible though? I mean if they were, he'd be in jail, right? Women can be opportunistic and lie to get something out of it." he said.

"So you're saying all these women are lying? Are Kavanaugh's accusers lying?" I asked.

"If there was any truth in any of these allegations, yes, he'd be in jail," he countered.

"Right," I snorted, "because that's what usually happens. People just believe women and their rapists go to jail. So what about the fact that his first wife claimed on record in court that he had raped her?"

"Can you really rape a spouse, though? I  mean don't you agree that when you marry someone your body becomes theirs?" he asked.

No. No, I most certainly do not agree. I hung up. 

I also did not agree with his "Illegals are killing 10,000 Americans a year!" rhetoric (although a far less horrible thing to believe than the above in my opinion). Also, not true in case you were wondering.

There were at least two conversations where this friend, whom I have known for decades, defended Trump's most reprehensible acts. All with the standard  Trumper "But Hillary, but Obama, but Pelosi, but Biden, but Democrats, but but but" responses. 

He is afraid of immigrants, He is afraid Mexicans are mass murdering Americans, he is afraid people are coming to take his guns. He stomped his feet and yelled "He was not impeached. He was NOT! They still have to VOTE on it!" 

But he was, Blanche, he was impeached. 

I'd heard this before. Not just in your average Trumper, but in another friend I lost over political differences.

She was my closest friend for over 20 years. She was born at the end of WWII Germany. She was born prematurely when the Germans, in an effort to show the visiting Red Cross a hospital filled with happy mothers and babies, rounded up pregnant women and induced labor in them all. Some only 7 months pregnant.

She is an immigrant. She is a hippie. A pot-smoking retired school teacher who believes in the healing power of crystals and magnets. 

And she voted for Trump. Because she wanted him to "shake things up." I was appalled. 

But she too was afraid. Afraid that OTHER immigrants were taking things away from REAL Americans (who are immigrants that have just been here longer).

This fear seems to be a common thread amongst Trumpers. And once someone is afraid, it becomes easy to build on that fear and control them with it. 

The most rabid Trumpers are afraid of everything from wind (Oh God! I'm going to get windmill Cancer!) to teenagers. 

While fear is a tactic often used to control and manipulate, what makes one individual in the friendship more susceptible to the rues than the other? And what makes them put their total trust into a man with several failed businesses and the vocabulary of a 3rd grader? 

While Psychology Today lists several factors, fear is an area they touched on in more scientific detail. 

"Science has shown that the conservative brain has an exaggerated fear response when faced with stimuli that may be perceived as threatening. A 2008 study in the journal Science found that conservatives have a stronger physiological reaction to startling noises and graphic images compared to liberals. A brain-imaging 
study published in Current Biology revealed that those who lean right politically tend to have a larger amygdala — a structure that is electrically active during states of fear and anxiety. "

So, friend "A", a Conservative, may be genetically predisposed to an exaggerated fear response that fires up when they believe they are finally being told the "truth" about immigrants and Muslims and Swedish climate activists and windmills. They love Trump for "telling it like it is" (otherwise known as appealing to shit they were terrified of already because their amygdala is all jacked up).

Friend "B", a Liberal or Moderate, does not have the exaggerated fear response and therefore can pick apart and analyze information, sans fear, to form an opinion with a calmer mind.

Now all of the above applies to friends and family members you thought of as rational, intelligent people prior to the Trump presidency.

This does not include those who needed an excuse to no longer hide their hatred and racism. Those who were just waiting until someone gave them permission to be openly terrible people.

But those were (most likely) not our friends and loved ones before Trump. Those people would be far easier to say goodbye to.

So why does it hurt so much when a loved one suddenly becomes this fearful, conspiracy-minded automaton who refuses to consider facts or reason?

I suspect it's because we partially blame ourselves for not seeing it sooner. But, I don't think (at least in my opinion) we can blame ourselves for not being able to fully predict how our friend would react when their amygdala is overstimulated and their fear responses were triggered. 

This is the most compassionate explanation I have and it's what I have to tell myself to allow for a peaceful end to what was otherwise a happy friendship. 

Because it does have to end. Once someone's core values take a hard turn (probably a right) and racism, sexual assault, abuse of power, xenophobia etc..become ok with them, if I remain, then by default I become ok with it too. 

And I'm not. 

I'll take my chances with the windmills. 

#Trump #Impeachment #Psychology #Fear #WWII #Germany #MeToo #Greta #ClimateChange

When Having Special Needs Interferes With Education

I think the first time I noticed my son was going to have difficulties in school was when he was 4 years old.

He was in a special education pre-school program and got off the bus at the end of the day with a 103 fever. He told me he'd had a headache all day. His teachers didn't know because, at that time, he did not speak to anyone but me. 

Yes, his teachers should have seen that something was wrong but they didn't. They didn't when he had an accident and spent the whole day in wet clothes, and they didn't when they marked him as "significantly academically delayed" because he couldn't say his alphabet. 

He knew the alphabet, of course...but he couldn't say it when asked if he knew it. It was easier for him to shake his head "no".

Over the years, he began to start speaking to peers first, then over time, select teachers. By the time he got to the third grade, he was speaking to everyone at school. *phew*

All ends well. Fin.

Not really. 

Xander began having major panic attacks about going to school. Having multiple diagnoses, on any given morning there were obstacles to overcome. Here's a blog post about one of our morning battles.

Whether it was a round of particularly brutal tics caused by his Tourette Syndrome, an epic meltdown over socks that were "not right" (thank you, Autism), a blind rage caused by either his ADHD or the Disruptive Mood Disorder (those two spend a lot of time together), or your run of the mill panic attack or upset stomach due to yet another medication. There was always something. 

"Perhaps he needs a specialized environment that would help him adjust to school after a rough morning", I thought. So I started asking his school for a referral to a therapeutic school. Cut to 18 months, a dozen rejections, a letter from his psychiatrist and an educational advocate later, he was finally placed into what our school system calls the Resolve Program.

He showed up, sat in a classroom with other kids who were turning over desks, punching teachers (and sometimes students) and falling further behind. He was released at the end of the school year after "successfully completing" the program and referred back to his regular school. 

*I should note here that despite the fact that he fails his state testing every single year, they move him onto the next grade regardless of readiness. He begins every school year struggling academically*

Now, in 5th grade (and two hospitalizations later), we are back to where we began. Except that this time, after several "unexcused absences" (because having multiple debilitating diagnoses isn't an excuse apparently) the school called CPS. 

To be fair, the call to CPS wasn't just about the absences, but about the overall safety of Xander at home, as well as concerns for the safety of the rest of us. His team at school (with whom I requested a meeting to get some support regarding his fears about coming to school) suggested that CPS could fast track the many waiting lists we were on for services.

CPS came out to the house in September. It is now nearly mid-November. We have heard nothing back from them. So much for the "fast track." 

Update: In December they closed our case. With no resources or further discussion. 

When I recently went to the school 15 minutes prior to dismissal to sign Xander out for an appointment (he tends to have lots of these), I was met with hostility. The front desk lady (who knows who she is) informed me that the note I sent his teacher, as well as the email I sent out to the entire team informing them all that he would be leaving early, in no way excused this "absence" (again, 15 minutes before the regular dismissal time)  and reminded me of all the other "unexcused" absences he had accumulated so early in the year.

I told her that while I'm sorry those remain "unexcused" according to school policy, they were unavoidable. She then told me that I needed to get it "straightened out" or there would be "consequences". 

I did not care for this threat at all. I laughed and told her to feel free to call CPS again, collected my kid, and stormed out of the building fuming.

I received a letter from the school system shortly thereafter threatening me with family court. I am not kidding. 

I emailed his entire team the angriest email I've ever written.

All I have been trying to do since this child was 3 years old is get him the help he needs to succeed in school. 

His IQ is too high for the local school for children with special needs. Too low for residential programs that would otherwise take him. One program does not take kids who have Autism as their primary diagnosis (I never understand this one. What difference does it make if his Autism is at the top or the middle of the list?) 

Another program will take kids with Autism, but not with other co-morbid conditions.

Also, every single one of those lists has endless obstacle courses parents must go through as well as years-long waiting lists. 

We have tried homeschool (which, of course, our school system did not like at all because they called dibs on failing him), cyber school (no way can he sit at home for 6 hours a day at a desk. Seriously, he can't even do that at school). He is too volatile at home to effectively learn here. I cannot educate him alone without adequate resources. And yes, we have an IEP.

According to ACMH, "Nationally, only 40 percent of students with emotional, behavioral and mental health disorders graduate from high school, compared to the national average of 76 percent; 3 and, Over 50% of students with emotional and behavioral disabilities ages 14 and older, drop out of high school. This is the highest drop out rate of any disability group".

The American Psychological Association says "The committee found that the deinstitutionalization movement of the 1960s — which shut down large treatment facilities for the mentally ill — coupled with the lack of community resources to treat them, resulted in some people going to prisons and jails instead. One study found this trend accounts for about 7 percent of prison population growth from 1980 to 2000 — representing 40,000 to 72,000 people in prisons who would likely have been in mental hospitals in the past.

If these statistics applied to children with Diabetes, I feel like we'd have more options. More care would be taken. There is something about mental health in our society that demands less attention. It's not solely the fault of the teachers. After all, they are not psych nurses. And having worked in childcare myself, I am all too aware of the challenges a child with behavioral issues presents to the whole. 

We claim "inclusion" for children with all kinds of differences, but we don't give them the tools they need to be successful in that inclusion, which results in simply being a body in a typically functioning classroom. This is not the same as being included. 

My child cannot do 2 hours of homework every night. He just can't. He doesn't have it in him after a full day of trying to self-control to avoid embarrassment. He then comes home and explodes. Homework doesn't get done. He loses recess, his only chance during the day to get outside and release all that energy.

Rinse and repeat.

So, what to do?

The short answer is, have more therapeutic schools with different classroom ability levels, small class sizes, a school nurse with a psych background and a psychiatrist who visits a few times a week. Also, have these schools throughout so many parts of the country that no child is waiting years to get in. 

But that solution requires money, better healthcare for at-risk children, more parent support, respite care, residential options....it requires the whole damn village. 

I'd love to hear what your experiences are/were with your child's educational journey in the comments section here. And thank you for letting me rant my frustrations and taking the time to read them.


#AllTheRibbons
#Autism
#MentalHealth
#Education
#Wellness
#Advocacy

How To Put Yourself Forward As An Independent Artist Without Looking Like A Jerk

On the back of my previous blog post entitled "How To Make People Think You Are Extremely Important In 5 Easy Steps", I thought it only fair to include a list of "do's" and "don't's" for us artists too, because we tend to be ego-centric a-holes sometimes.

1) Don't Hijack Someone Else's Post - I literally saw this today - A filmmaker posted his good news about a new project that was recently green-lighted.  There was a steady stream of "Congratulations!" and "Can't wait to hear more about your project" followed by that one guy who has to post, "Hey if you need music for the film, check out my stuff at IDontKnowHowToPickMySpots.com." Don't do this. There's a time and a place to reach out, but steering a conversation around to you and your music is not cool. It looked like the filmmaker didn't think it was too cool either as the artist's post was the only one he didn't respond to. It's obnoxious. Wish them well and move on for now. Don't steal their thunder.

2) Be Polite And Do Your Research When Reaching Out - I know as artists we reach out to lots of filmmakers, producers, and music supervisors every week. It's all a part of networking, and most industry folks know this. If you have connected via LinkedIn, and they have accepted, don't reach out until you've done enough research on their past projects as well as up-coming ones they might have. Take the time to listen to their music, watch their film, or read their blog, etc. Message them privately. Make sure that their projects are in line with your style and capabilities. People love to know that you are familiar with, and admire their work. If you follow them on Twitter or Instagram, make sure you regularly interact with them on posts you find interesting. Don't hit and run them with "Hey, check me out" and never speak to them again.

3) Ask About They're Submission Policy...Like, Before You Submit - If you've found a music supervisor or publisher online, and you're not clear on if or how they accept unsolicited music from Indie artists, reach out an ask them. Mention any current projects you know they have and let them know you have a song you think would be perfect for it and why. Keep it brief and always include a "sound-alike" reference. Example: "Classic, guitar-driven rock a'la Bon Jovi". If they do not accept unsolicited material, then please don't submit it to them. It's just rude. They will remember rudeness more than they will remember whatever song you sent. Don't throw shit at them that they don't want.

4) Don't Ask For Free Music, Beats, Vocals, Mixing, etc... - I honestly can't believe people still do this, but they do. It's insulting, rude and frankly, very amateur. You know how you're struggling to make it and are (most likely) doing it on your own? Well, so are most people. Can you afford to just give someone a few hundred (or thousand) dollars? If so, then you don't need free tracks. If not, then don't ask anyone to work for free either. Offering to add their name to your track, or pay them back-end royalties when you have no representation or plan in place, does not equal actual money. Don't insult someone's hard work by both asking for it and devaluing it at the same time. And, don't be insulted when they say "no." We're all just trying to make it.

5) Give Feedback That Counts If You Want The Same - I sometimes frequent a chat room for artists in a site I'll just call Schubmit Schmub. In this chat room, artists can get feedback on their music after they've listened to someone else's song and have given feedback. Nine times out of ten the feedback goes something like this: "Cool track. Take a listen to my new song, "No One Cares About You Though." If the genre of the song is not something you'd normally listen to, don't. Wait for something that you might like more. Listen to at least half the song (or one verse and one hook) and think of actual constructive critique. Or, you're likely to get a "Cool. Here's my shit now" feedback on yours. It's not all about you.

Also, for you bloggers and reviewers, if an artist has paid for feedback, please follow the above rules. Put a little thought into it. Even if it's only one sentence, make it count. Don't take artists already limited money just to give them a one-word feedback. That's shitty. And if you only accept certain genres, make that clear. Don't say "all genres" just to make a few more bucks and then include "I only review country music" in your review. 

I put together "posters" using the most unhelpful and weird feedback I've ever received to point out how ridiculous some of it was:

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you - musically. That is all.